Two newfies on a plane from Ont. to Nfld., shortly after takeoff the
pilot announces 1 of the engines has failed, but it's ok, we'll only
be 3 hrs late. Couple hours later, pilot announces that another
engine has failed, but it's ok, we still have two more, but we will
be 6 hrs late, couple hours later, pilot starting to sound anxious,
says the 3 rd engine has failed, but we'll only be 12 hrs late. One
Newf turns to the other and says, that last engine goes and we're
gonna be up here all day!
NEW ELEMENT DISCOVERED!
The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by
university physicists. The new element was tentatively named
Administratium. It has no protons and no electrons, and thus has an
atomic number of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 15 assistant
neutrons, 70 vice-neutrons, and 161 assistant vice-neutrons. This
gives it an atomic mass of 247. These 247 particles are held together
by a force that involves constant exchange of a special class of
particle called morons.
Since it does not have electrons, Administratium is inert. However,
it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction with which
it comes into contact. According to the discoverers, a minute amount
of Administratium added to one reaction caused it to take over four
days to complete. Without Administratium, the reaction
took less than one second.
Administratium has a half-life of approximately three years, after
which it does not normally decay but instead undergoes a complex
nuclear process called "Reorganization". In this
little-understood process, assistant neutrons, vice-neutrons, and
assistant vice-neutrons appear to exchange places. Early results
indicate that atomic mass actually increases after each "Reorganization".
A young and student pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation
frequencies. So, this one time he was approaching a field during the
night time. Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he
said: "Guess who?" The controller switched the field lights
off and replied: "Guess where!"
A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early
this afternoon near Prince Albert. Zone 4, search and
rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that
number to climb as digging continues into the evening.
Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into
the flight, the captain announced "One of the engines has failed
and the flight will be an hour longer. But don't worry we have three
Thirty minutes later, the captain announced "One more engine has
failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don't worry we
have two engines left".
An hour later the captain announced "One more engine has failed
and the flight will be three hours longer. But don't worry we have
one engine left".
One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said "If we
lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day"
The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep
the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.
One of the beautiful things about a single piloted aircraft is the
quality of the social experience.
A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight.While
attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was
your last known position?" Student: "When I was number one
EARLY in my flying career, I had my first night
flight. Looking down in the darkness, I asked my
instructor what we would do if the engine failed. "Get the plane
gliding in a controlled descent attempt to restart the engine and
make a Mayday call," he explained. "The only difference
between day and night flying is that the terrain below will not be
clearly visible, so the aircraft should be headed toward whatever
looks most like a clear area, and it should be approaching into the
wind. Conserve the battery, turn on the landing light when you get
close to the ground, and if you like what you see, land."
"All right, but what if I don't like what I see?" My
instructor gave me a compassionate look in the dim cockpit, and said
softly, "Turn off the landing light."
It's better to break ground and head into the wind than to
break wind and head into the ground.
Flight School A blonde went to a flight
school insisting that she wanted to learn to fly. As all the planes
were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her by radio on
how to pilot the solo helicopter.He took her out, showed her how to
start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way. After she
climbed 1,000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it!
The view is so beautiful and I'm starting to get the hang of
this." After 2,000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it
was to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3,000 feet, and he
was beginning to worry because she hadn't radioed in. A few
minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile
away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage. When
he asked what happened, she said, "I don't know! Everything was
going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can
barely remember anything after I turned off the big fan!"
A military pilot called for a priority landing because his
single-engine jet fighter was "running a bit rough."
Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two
behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah",
the pilot remarked, "the dreaded seven-engine approach."
"Young man was that a landing or were we shot down?"
Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad,
it's good)..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
I.F.R.: - I Follow Roads
PREPARATION IS THE KEY TO SUCCESS!
the six P's:
Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance.